Make Your Desires Visible
I talked to a woman recently who was frustrated that she hadn’t been selected for a leadership position.
They didn’t see me as a candidate, she said. When we talked more, it became clear that she hadn’t explicitly asked to be considered for the role because she saw asking as risky. She didn’t want to leave the organization and she didn’t want the awkwardness of not being selected for the higher-level role.
I could relate because I have been in situations where I shared my professional ambitions and not gotten what I’ve asked for, which doesn’t feel good. And goodness knows that every situation is different and sharing one’s ambitions may not be wise.
And yet, do I regret sharing my ambitions? No, for three reasons:
- I am committed to honoring my yearnings,
- Because I can’t fulfill my ambitions alone – I need other people to know and support me in advancing, and
- By making my desires visible, I am compelled to live into them, if not through one strategy, then another, if not in one space, then in another.
While reflecting on the words ambition and yearning, I began to wonder, what’s the distinction?
Ambition is defined as a strong desire to do or to achieve something, typically requiring determination and hard work. It comes from the Latin word ambitio – from amber – to go around (canvassing for votes). That definition leads me to picture a very externally focused expression of desire.
Yearning is defined as a feeling of intense longing for something, typically a feeling of longing for something that one has lost or been separated from. Yearning relates to wanting something that was in fact once yours, or even part of you. It comes from the german word, giernan, that meant eager.
Acknowledging the yearning is acknowledging a fuel source.
Going after professional positions involves doing the work, yes, as well as getting other folks to be able to imagine you in the role such that they help you to get there.
Sheryl Lee Ralph, who just won an Emmy for Best Supporting Actress in “Abbott Elementary”, is a great example of the intertwining importance of both ambition and yearning.
Since 1975, Ms. Ralph has been acting in starring roles and honing her craft. Now at 65, she is finally receiving widespread recognition for her powerful performances, recognition that is too often denied to talented Black women like herself.
“To anyone who has ever, ever had a dream, and thought your dream wouldn’t — couldn’t — come true. I’m here to tell you, this is what believing looks like.”
– Sheryl Lee Ralph in her Emmy award acceptance speech
