Doing the internal and external work to create change.
There is a symbiotic relationship between inner and outer work that is essential for creating the change and shifts we desire to make.
What is the internal work?
Internal work is cultivating your mindset and beliefs. Do you practice BELIEVING that you can make a change?
I’m inspired by the work of Jo Boaler in her book called Limitless Mind: Learn, Lead and Live Without Barriers. She talks about the fact that many of us have internalized limiting beliefs about or capacity to learn math, science, art, writing and so many other things.
Some of the paradigm-shifting learning keys that she offers include:
- “The times when we are struggling and making mistakes are the best times for brain growth.”
- “When we change our beliefs, our bodies and our brains physically change as well.”
- “Speed of thinking is not a measure of aptitude. Learning is optimized when we approach ideas and life, with creativity and flexibility.”
Boaler gives examples of two of the world’s greatest mathematicians, Laurent Schwartz and Maryam Mirzakhani, who have both talked openly about how slow they are with math. Rather than speed, they value deep, slow thinking. What a contrast to the conditioning that speed and ease of learning indicates intelligence.
Inner work is:
- Reflection
- Having a creative practice
- Setting up boundaries
- Making space for yourself and setting time for yourself
- Noticing what’s going on in your body
- Pausing to hear and learn from your feelings instead of ignoring them
Spending time in the gap of unknowing – also called creative tension – is inner work.
Over the last couple years, I have learned that being in the gap of unknowing is one of the most POWERFUL things that we can do. Not rushing to make something happen while we’re in the gap – just being in the gap.
While we’re learning to be in the gap, I have found creative practice such as doodling, making a spread in my journal, pasting down images, to be helpful and soothing. Also, free writing and taking a walk. But maybe even more importantly, just being still. Lie on the floor and breathe. In the gap of unknowing, be willing and curious about what wants to emerge.
What is the external work?
External work is:
- Taking chances
- Building a support team
- Writing a letter
- Trying out a new technique
- Sharing with someone in a way that you haven’t before, telling a personal story, being vulnerable
- Setting goals and taking the steps toward the goals while noticing the obstacles and getting yourself to have conversations with the obstacles.
- Practicing new ways of dealing with feedback.
I recently learned a tool from Tara Mohr – that feedback tells you more about the person giving it than it does about yourself. So instead of focusing on what’s wrong with you, ask yourself what the feedback tells you about the person, their priorities, concerns, issues. Then ask yourself if the feedback is relevant to your goals and what you’re seeking to accomplish. And if it is, then ask yourself how to make use of the relevant aspects of the feedback.
This is a powerful reframe that gets us out of thinking about people pleasing and into thinking strategically about what we’re striving to accomplish and HOW we’re going to get there.
