The Importance of Interdependence

As a coach, I notice that my clients are missing an important piece of the work. This is something I’ve struggled with as well. We’re missing each other. We don’t know how to ask for help, or receive it.

Learning to ask for, and receive help is essential to our well-being, and to realizing our goals and visions.

In The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, Stephen Covey describes a maturity hierarchy:

• Dependence: Relying on others to meet our needs.
• Independence: Meeting our needs on our own.
• Interdependence: Combining efforts with others to achieve greater success.

Interdependence speaks to the ways in which our lives touch and are touched by others, the ways in which our actions affect and are affected by others.

We are not alone. Not ever. We benefit from and benefit others. We hurt and are hurt by others.

What shifts when we acknowledge that interdependence?

Learning to ask for and receive help can be a challenge when we’re used to leading, when the role of caretaker is more familiar and comfortable, or when we are just used to doing things on our own.

Use these questions to reflect on ways you could shift into more interdependence:

1 – Redefine Your Relationship with Help
Many of us struggle to ask for what we need. Please reflect on what’s blocking you.

• What stories do you tell yourself about asking for help?
• What story about receiving help could you release or reshape?
• What if you believed guides and mentors were available to you, waiting for you to ask?

2 – Identify Your Support Network

• Who is your hero, your mentor, your collaborator, your accomplice? (Thanks to Journal Fodder 365 for these terms.)
• Who guides you? Who do you turn to for help?
• Are you open to receiving support? Why or why not?

3 – Qualify the Help You Need
Not all help is the same. Some help solves simple problems (fixing a shower), while other help requires complicated expertise (legal or financial advice.)

Then there are the complex life questions with no simple solutions – these require a combination of helpers who can listen, provide expertise, share loving connection, and engage in longer conversations.

• What do you need help with?
• What kind of help do you need?
• Who can you ask to help you with this?

4 – Balance Giving and Receiving
For so many of us, giving is easy, receiving is hard. The reality is, you can’t just give, you’ll burn out. You have to learn to receive. Picture an infinity symbol. Giving and receiving are intertwined. True interdependence requires both.

Start talking to folks about what you need, what you’re imagining and wanting to make happen in your life, at work or on a specific project. See how they can help and be open to receive.