The power of accepting yourself.

My attitude toward the inner critic comes from a combination of my coach training and my own personal experience fighting myself over the years.

I don’t look at my inner critic as something bad that’s trying to hurt me. Instead, I am interested in what my inner critic needs, fears, and wants for me.

In my coach training, I learned that our inner critic is a protector – trying to keep us safe, however it doesn’t usually know how to do that.  It’s often much younger than our actual age, having formed when we were young, and it’s afraid that we’re going to get in trouble or do something that jeopardizes us.

We learned a process informed by internal family systems that has us ask questions to consider whether or not the inner critic has a name, where it is in our bodies, and what it wants for us. We even check in to see if the inner critic likes its job! Does it like berating us the way it does.

I have found when I’ve gone through these processes with different parts and voices — within myself and in clients –that the inner critic is often tired of working so hard.

Parts of us, such as the inner critic, can actually be relieved to have the opportunity to shift the way they relate to us. In the process, instead of looking at the inner critic as an enemy, we learn to have compassion for it, and then we often find that it softens, and is even willing to change.

Over time, we make friends with the inner critic so that our true self can run our lives — rather than the inner critic running the show.

Having this kind of relationship with my inner critic means that I’m able to try new things more easily, take risks, ask for help and feel a greater sense of peace and acceptance of my idiosyncrasies and quirks. What a lovely feeling.

If you’re curious about how Richard Schwartz, creator of internal family systems, talks about the inner critic, check out this short interview.