I chose to get coaching for the first time in 2003, soon after I started a new job.

I’d been having dinner with my cousin in New York, and she said, you have to take this job, you have to stay for a few years and you have to get promoted. You have to grow your career. Well that’s terrifying, I thought. I had no idea how to do that.

Here’s what I did know. I hadn’t been able to stay at a job for more than 4 years because the organizational dynamics and dysfunctional interpersonal goings on would get to me. If I saw hypocrisy and got pissed off, I’d quit! I’d quit without thinking or caring about the next step in my career. I’d quit without developing a plan for my work life. 

I don’t need this, I’d tell myself. Freedom and integrity is more important than any job. Plus, I was a creative person who didn’t want to be a manager. Since I was smart, adaptive and could type, I knew that I could always temp – something that always put money in my pocket but didn’t advance my career. And I’d never been promoted in a job. I better find some help.

I found a coach, which proved to be one of the best things that I’d ever done for myself. 

Every other week, my coach and I would talk. I’d share what was challenging me, and she 1) listened, 2) reflected back my concerns and 3) provided me with new perspectives and new ideas. She’d send me an essay on organizational dynamics and growth cycles. Or show me how what I was saying made sense, and I could take out some post-it’s, jot down my ideas and move them around until the big picture emerged.  

Over the course of the years we worked together, she helped me to get through challenging times. As a result, instead of falling prey to disillusionment and disappointment, getting mad and quitting, I was able to grow my skills, get promoted, and earn more money. 

For example, in 2005, I wanted to ask for a promotion. My coach talked with me about what I wanted and why, helped me to recognize and articulate my accomplishments, and then helped me think about the perspective of my boss and my boss’s boss. She helped me think about the words and phrases that I should use to translate my experiences into language that would resonate with leadership. Language that showed how I excelled and what I’d contributed. 

She asked questions like:

• What are they concerned about? 
• What will you stepping up mean your boss can let go of? 
• How will you describe your vision? 
• How can you condense your proposal so that it captures the attention of the CEO?

Well, I got the promotion. And then another, and then another one before I left. That wasn’t all I got though.

In addition to learning how to shift my perspective so that I could better understand what my colleagues wanted and needed, I also learned that there was nothing wrong with me – that I had strengths and gifts worth cultivating.

I learned that I didn’t have to blame my challenges on the people around me, but instead I could work on my own habits of thinking and behaving to help shift dynamics. She showed me how to slow down, breathe and use writing as a tool to get grounded, make connections, seek solutions and articulate what I wanted to contribute. Coaching helped me learn to listen to and honor my yearning and curiosity, a gift that I continue to cultivate and cherish.