Three actions you can take to make shifts and create change in your life.

In that time, I’ve had the privilege of coaching 50 incredible individuals—Black women and non-binary folks, leaders seeking to reclaim their creative spark, executive directors, people seeking new opportunities, and those navigating life transitions.

While I’ve learned a lot, three things stand out for me:

1. Listening Deeply Matters Most

While my coaching tools are important, listening deeply and with humble curiosity is even more crucial. When I listen without knowing the answer or what I will say next, my listening creates spaciousness in which the other person can hear themselves.

Dr. Rachel Naomi Remen says in her book Kitchen Table Wisdom:

“Listening is the oldest and perhaps the most powerful tool of healing. It is often through the quality of our listening and not the wisdom of our words that we are able to effect the most profound changes in the people around us. When we listen, we offer with our attention an opportunity for wholeness. Our listening creates sanctuary for the homeless parts within the other person. That which has been denied, unloved, devalued by themselves and by others. That which is hidden.”

Through deep spacious listening that slows down time, I hear my client express parts of themselves that they may not have heard before. So often, we are moving so quickly, we do not listen to ourselves.

Sometimes, I will repeat verbatim a phrase they have said, or share what I perceive as the essence of their words. Through this reflective process, they have the opportunity to challenge me, challenge themselves, make new connections, and reclaim their own wisdom and authority.

I have found this process of reflection often yields surprise and wonder in their eyes. “Yes,” they say, “I said that,” or well, “it’s really more like this,” and then they refine the expression of what they are thinking, feeling, wanting. We both listen, moved by the new knowing that is emerging. And then I encourage them to document this wisdom in their journal.

2. The Importance of Naming the Change

When I first started doing coaching, I would notice and celebrate the shifts my clients were making but I didn’t always articulate those shifts. Over the past year, I’ve made a special point of sharing—often in writing—midway through the coaching engagement, the shifts I’ve noticed.

I invite my client to let me know how that lands with them. What are they noticing? What’s different about how they’re thinking, feeling, and acting since we started working together?

I have learned that naming these changes fuels continued transformation.

3. Transformation Happens Between Sessions

We knead bread dough, then let it rest, for the rising happens in between the kneading. Something similar happens between sessions.

For instance, a client may notice they’re having trouble slowing down to listen to colleagues because they’re so worried about getting everything done. They want to be present, but they’re not sure how.

So, the action for that person may be to engage in a practice, such as doing a body scan once a day to notice how they’re feeling, notice where there’s tightness, and then taking a breath to soften that area.

If they get in the habit of doing the practice when they’re alone, they may find that when they’re in the company of other people, they find it more possible to breathe, soften the tightness in their body, and return their attention to the person they’re listening to.

I invite you to bring these lessons into your own life.

These three small actions can spur and support your own journey of change and transformation:

Practice Deep Listening: Spend a few minutes each day listening deeply to another person. Gently rest your attention on their words, tone of voice, and their movements while just being curious. Refrain from trying to fix or solve and notice the impact it has on your connection.

Name Your Changes: Take a couple moments to reflect on your last week. What’s different about how you’re thinking, feeling, acting? No matter how small the change, take note and acknowledge it, trusting that this recognition will fuel your motivation and your continued unfolding.

Create Space for Transformation: Identify a small practice that helps you slow down and be present, like a daily body scan or a pause to look around your environment and gaze on something that pleases you. Observe how this practice supports your ability to be more present with yourself and those you interact with.