Listening to your needs helps you identify what you most value.

I worked with a client who was feeling frustrated in her new position. “Why did they bring me in if they weren’t going to heed my recommendations, if they weren’t going to listen to me?” she said. As we explored, she got clear that she had a need to be listened to, her unique perspective respected, and her contributions recognized.

When I showed her a list of needs and values, she recognized that one of her most important values was making a contribution. With that value acknowledged, she could approach her frustration differently. She gained spaciousness and awareness that she could talk to her colleagues honestly and candidly about her value of making a contribution – not just for herself, but for others, and the organization as a whole.  

I’ve noticed for myself and my clients that tuning into frustrations and needs leads directly to identifying values. Identifying values becomes fuel for the work ahead.   

So often we feel embarrassed about needing something. Even the phrase, being too needy, reminds us that we don’t want to need anything too much. But noticing, and even savoring our needs, allows us to get closer to understanding what matters to us and what motivates us.  

Here are some questions that you can ask yourself when you are trying to figure out what you need:

• What do you need?
• What is missing for you?
• What need is connected to your frustration? 
• What is even more important that stops you from creating what you want?  

Take some time to journal, to walk, to sit quietly and explore your needs.